Second to Cry Read online

  Over the audio system came the call for his flight. Passengers were being called to their relevant gate to commence boarding. Aiden was running out of time. He glanced desperately at the main entrance.

  People were continually filtering in through the automatic doors. Smartly dressed men and women in suits, young people who looked as though their entire worldly possessions had been piled into the enormous backpack they were wearing. Aiden always wondered how they even managed to walk beneath such a burden. Families bustled through with suitcases piled precariously high on trollies, younger children already acting up prior to the flight. When people entered they either looked lost or alert. A seasoned traveller knew exactly where to go and moved swiftly and with purpose, those less experienced would enter and immediately be overwhelmed by the cascade of noise and movement which would meet them. They would gaze around, wide eyed, trying to get their bearings.

  More people came in and Aiden began to feel disheartened, he could feel the hope within him slipping away like water through his hands. Then, suddenly, he caught a glimpse of golden hair entering the airport.

  Brandy came in and looked around in wide-eyed awe. She seemed uncomfortable and wrapped her coat around herself protectively. Aiden took a moment before going to just absorb the image of her. She looked so perfectly immaculate, like a movie star belonging to the golden era of movies. Each step she took was effortlessly graceful, like her entire life was just a part of some elaborately coordinated ballet which only she knew. Aiden didn’t notice the admiring glances she attracted from even the most harassed of businessmen. He saw only her. Time seemed to stop or, at least, lose its relevance as he watched her. To him, she truly was an angel.

  *

  Isla washed her face, letting the water take away the remnants of her tears and applied mascara, determined to look her best. She regarded herself in her bathroom mirror and sighed discontentedly. Time, her indefinite adversary, seemed to be catching up with her. Her eyes were now rimmed with crow’s feet and there was a wrinkle in her forehead which didn’t disappear even when she wasn’t frowning.

  She looked sadly at the various lotions and potions which were littered around the sink and wished that they actually did what they promised to do on the bottle. With each tear she shed, each hour she couldn’t sleep, a part of her youth melted away into the ether. Isla Connelly wished that beauty, above all else, was eternal. She needed Aiden to look at her as he once had when they were young. Needed him to want and desire her with the intensity which had fuelled their college courtship.

  The sharp shrill of the phone ringing disturbed Isla from her thoughts and she hurried downstairs to answer it, not wanting the sound to wake Meegan who was now sleeping blissfully.

  ‘Hello?’ She anticipated it would be Aiden which accounted for the forced perkiness in her voice.

  ‘Oh, hello, Mrs Connelly?’ It was the familiar, jovial voice of Edmond Copes. Isla sighed inwardly and carried the cordless phone through to the lounge where she settled on the sofa, bringing her long legs up beneath her.

  ‘Hi, Edmond,’ she answered as brightly as she could.

  ‘I’m so sorry to bother you at home,’ Edmond apologized. ‘It’s just that I was wondering if you knew when Aiden would be back in town.’

  ‘He’s actually flying back tonight.’

  ‘Is he? Oh that’s grand. It’s just, I need to know when he will be back in the office.’ Edmond lowered his voice considerably before delivering the latter part of his comment, ‘Mrs Fern has been in looking for him.’

  ‘Mrs Fern?’ Isla echoed, her mind immediately hurtling towards a dark place. The Playboy model was looking for her husband? The thought left a sour taste in her mouth which Isla wanted to spit out and hurl across the room.

  ‘She’s been in the office asking after Aiden. Being, in all honesty, rather demanding.’ Isla now noticed the slightly harassed tone in Edmond’s voice and knew he would not have called unless Mrs Fern had implicitly insisted.

  ‘I guess you can tell her he will be back in tomorrow,’ Isla suggested helpfully.

  ‘Really?’ Edmond brightened at this. ‘I mean, there is no pressure, Aiden is more than entitled to take his leave when he wants to.’

  ‘Leave?’ Isla queried, confused. ‘I thought he had gone away with something work-related.’

  Edmond was silent and Isla felt a sickening sensation envelope her stomach, making her feel as though she were falling into a bottomless pit. She held a hand to a temple to steady herself, willing herself not to cry and ruin the make-up she had just so painstakingly applied.

  ‘Yes, he’s away with work. I meant that he gets leave a day after travelling. Company protocol,’ Edmond said, his voice eerily calm and collected. ‘So, by no means does he have to come in tomorrow, but it would be helpful, especially as Mrs Fern is being so…demanding.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll let him know.’ Isla frowned in bewilderment and then quickly shot her eyebrows upwards, remembering the line she had been scrutinizing in the mirror. Was the old man being truthful about the leave or was he just covering for Aiden? Isla didn’t like it one bit.

  ‘Goodbye then, Edmond,’ she kept her voice cheerful, though inside she felt wretched.

  ‘Bye, Mrs Connelly, again, sorry to have bothered you.’

  Isla clicked off the call and stared despondently out into the garden. Finally she entertained the thought which had been torturing her for days; what was the real reason for Aiden’s impromptu visit to Chicago?

  *

  ‘You came.’ Aiden reminded his legs how to walk as his entire body felt locked in place, mesmerized by her beauty. He headed over to her.

  ‘Aiden!’ Brandy turned to face him and the fearful apprehension which had clouded her face fell away to reveal a devastatingly sweet smile. She reached up and placed her arms around his neck, holding him in an embrace. Her blonde curls flooded his face. Aiden couldn’t help but inhale, her hair smelt of peaches.

  When she pulled away they regarded one another for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

  ‘Do you want to get a coffee?’ Brandy eventually suggested.

  ‘I don’t have time.’ Aiden sighed sadly. ‘My flight is boarding now.’

  ‘Oh.’ Brandy looked at her feet and bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner, the traffic was crazy.’

  ‘It’s okay. Besides, you don’t even drink coffee.’

  ‘But you do!’

  ‘You just drink hot chocolate,’ Aiden teased.

  ‘It’s because it’s amazing!’ Brandy declared fervently. ‘You’re missing out! It’s like a hug in a mug, what could be better?’

  ‘An actual hug?’ Aiden answered, his voice deadpan.

  ‘You can be such a wise-ass, you know that?’

  ‘I know,’ Aiden smiled. It pleased him to see that the fire within her, which had just been a flickering flame when he met her, was now a roaring torrent which threatened to engulf anyone who stood in her way.

  ‘So don’t you need to go and like, board?’ Brandy looked past him to the various signs which pointed towards the inner parts of the airport where people and their possessions would be scanned before they could ascend the clouds and fly away.

  ‘I guess so.’

  Aiden didn’t want to go. His feet felt as though they were made from lead and refused to move, even an inch, away from Brandy.

  ‘You’ll miss your flight,’ she warned when she noticed him remain rooted to the spot.

  ‘And what if I do?’ Aiden challenged.

  ‘Well, you’d have nowhere to go, since I imagine you’ve checked out of your hotel, so you’d have to come back and stay at mine. We’d stay up all night talking about the movies we love, the books we’ve read and the music which has defined our lives. We would drink wine and laugh and be reminded of all the good things in the world. Then we’d go to sleep and, depending on the quality of both the wine and the talk, we may even share my bed. Then you’d wake the next day and realize you
’d never been so happy and decide to stay with me in Chicago, for ever.’

  Brandy gazed up at him innocently as he tried to catch his breath, stunned by her bluntness. He had not expected her to vocalize how he felt so accurately, or even at all. He was at a loss for words. However, he had to say something and so he chose to be truthful.

  ‘I’d love that.’

  ‘It’s a fairy tale,’ Brandy sighed sadly, ‘and only children believe in fairy tales. We’ve grown up and realized the impossible truth that they never come true.’ She looked so desperately sad at this fact that Aiden felt a lump form in his throat which he struggled to suppress.

  ‘What’s really going to happen is you are going to get on your flight, you’re going to return to Avalon where your wife and daughter will be waiting for you. You’ll go back to your life and forget all about me.’

  ‘I could never forget about you,’ Aiden whispered, barely able to speak.

  ‘You will because you have to. Because you are a good man, Aiden Connelly, and a good man doesn’t leave his wife and child. I’m just a fairy tale.’

  ‘Brandy—’

  ‘Thank you for telling me about Brandon’s son,’ she interrupted, her chin shaking as she spoke. ‘I appreciate you coming all this way to let me know.’

  ‘But I—’

  ‘And I’ll see you again, but only ever in my dreams, because that is the only place where you can be mine. Forget about me, Aiden Connelly. Forget about me and remember that you are a good man. I refuse to be the cause of you being anything less.’ Brandy then turned and fled the airport, moving so swiftly and with such cat-like grace that within seconds she was gone, only the lingering scent of peaches and vanilla remained.

  Sat on the plane, Aiden tried to collect his thoughts. His head throbbed from indecision and the pain in his chest had returned. He should have followed her, he knew that but, instead, he turned and boarded his plane.

  ‘Can I get you a drink?’ a kind-faced air hostess asked him as she stood in the aisle with the drinks cart.

  ‘Yes please, I’ll have a hot chocolate.’

  He cupped the hot cup in his hands and watched the rising steam dance atop of it. Looking out at the clouds beyond his window, he took a sip of the warm, sweet liquid and realized that Brandy was right, it really was a hug within a mug. He closed his eyes and let silent tears fall as the plane carried him back to reality, back to Avalon.

  Chapter Nine

  Maybe Baby

  Aiden gazed aimlessly out of the car window at the passing fields and fast expanses of open land. The towering architectural giants of the city now felt like a distant memory from another world.

  In the fading light of dusk everything seemed even more vast, more desolate. Aiden missed the comfort of the neon lights, missed seeing the artificial stars of lights left on in office blocks. Last time Aiden had driven in to Avalon he had been filled with hope, eager to leave the city behind. Now he was feeling with an uneasy sense of remorse and found himself longing for the city. He felt as though he had been physically torn apart and that a piece of himself remained in Chicago and he would never again feel complete until he returned to it.

  ‘You’re quiet,’ Isla noted from her position behind the wheel.

  ‘I’m tired,’ Aiden explained, not even turning to look at his wife.

  ‘Travelling is tiring,’ she sympathized, glancing briefly away from the road to look at him, but he remained turned away from her, focused instead on the world beyond the car window which was quickly becoming lost to darkness.

  ‘I hate these roads at night,’ she mumbled to herself. ‘You can barely see a damn thing.’

  Aiden didn’t say anything. He leant his ahead against the cool glass of the window and sighed, his breath forming a grey cloud on its surface.

  He felt numb, whilst also hurting in places he didn’t know he could. It was the strangest of sensations, one which he’d only ever previously felt when he had that surreal realisation that he was growing up. That his youth, and the best parts of it, would never return to him. Like when he thought of Justin and his friends back in his home town and he would instantly be filled with a longing regret. Life could never be as it was then and that reality pained him. It was true that youth really was wasted on the young. Aiden glanced briefly at Meegan in her car seat behind him, she was sound asleep. She’d woken briefly when he got into the car.

  ‘Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!’ she’d squealed with delight and clapped her hands together. After about ten minutes of such glee she had tired herself out and was now sleeping deeply. Aiden hoped that she would cherish each moment of her youth and never forget the potency of that first kiss, first love.

  Perhaps that was what was wrong. What if Brandy was Aiden’s first real love and in leaving her, he was leaving all that could have been good in his life. Like when you graduate from college and enter the working world and know that things will just never be quite the same again. The older Aiden got, the more difficult he found growing up. He felt that with each year that passed he was just losing another part of himself until one day he’d be ninety years ago and there would be nothing of him left.

  The thought scared him and he tried to push it away.

  ‘Did you get all your work done?’ Isla asked, sounding interested.

  ‘Yeah.’ Aiden wasn’t in the mood to chat.

  ‘What did you need to do?’ she pressed him for more information.

  ‘Work,’ he answered bluntly.

  ‘Fine, I won’t ask anything else,’ Isla sighed, noting his foul temperament. ‘Why are you in such a bad mood?’

  ‘I’m just tired.’ Aiden didn’t want his wife to take the brunt of his discontent and so he did his best to push his feelings down in to his feet and become more present. He moved away from the window.

  ‘We’ll be home soon and you can sleep.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  Night had descended upon Avalon by the time they navigated through the now-familiar streets to their home. As they pulled in to their driveway, Aiden felt that he saw for the first time just how desperately his home was in need of basic repairs. He vowed to get a quote from a local contractor the following day.

  It was strange that it was only now that he was noticing such things; like how the paint was peeling off the window frames, or that some of the guttering had fallen down. Previously he’d looked upon the residence with something of a skewered view, desperate to see the best in the home he’d bought, but now he was seeing it for what it was and he didn’t like it. It was as though Avalon had lost its sheen for him.

  ‘Come on, sleepy head,’ he gathered Meegan up in his arms and walked her towards the house. She murmured in her sleep but did not awaken.

  Isla entered first, flicking on all the lights and illuminating the kitchen in an artificial glow. She moved to go back towards the car but Aiden stopped her.

  ‘I’ll go get my bag, don’t worry.’

  ‘You sure? Want me to put her to bed then?’ She reached out for Meegan but Aiden kept his daughter in his arms.

  ‘I’d like to put her to bed, I’ve missed doing it these past few nights,’ he admitted, glancing down fondly at her.

  ‘Okay,’ Isla shrugged and helped herself to a beer in the fridge. Aiden noticed in the bright light how she had put her make-up on which instantly made him feel guilty.

  ‘You look nice,’ he complimented her.

  ‘Thanks,’ Isla smiled warmly at him. ‘You want a beer?’

  ‘In a bit.’

  He carried Meegan up the stairs, each one creaking in protest as he stepped upon it. He took her into her little room, which was a shrine to the colour pink. She had pink curtains, pink furniture and pink bedding. The only flash of another colour came from her foam fingers which were proudly propped up around the room. Aiden was certain that once Meegan was old enough to choose her own colour scheme for her bedroom, pink would not be her first choice.

  He gently laid her down within her crib and Meegan ins
tinctively rolled onto her side and made soft gurgling noises. She looked so peaceful, as though she didn’t have a care in the world and Aiden envied that. He wanted to preserve it for her. He didn’t want Meegan to ever feel how he did; disillusioned with the world. He wanted everything to retain its magic for her but he knew it was inevitable that she would grow up and that the rose-coloured glasses of childhood would fall away and she’d see everything for what it was.

  Aiden watched her for a while as she slept and thought of Brandy. Her childhood had been far from idyllic. She’d grown up in a trailer park and her own mother had prostituted her for cash. Any yet Brandy was the most optimistic person he knew. Despite all she had been through, she still saw the beauty within the world. And when he was around her, he was able to see it too. But now he was away from her it was as if the façade had been pulled down and all that was exposed to him was the bleak mechanics of how things worked.

  ‘Are you coming down for that beer?’ Isla appeared at the doorway and peered into the small room.

  ‘Yeah, in a minute.’

  ‘You really missed her, huh?’ She walked in and stood beside Aiden, looping an arm around his waist and they both gazed down at Meegan who continued to sleep, unaware that she had an audience.

  ‘Sure did.’

  ‘And what about me?’ Isla asked, feeling insecure.

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘Did you miss me?’

  ‘Of course.’ Aiden turned and kissed Isla’s forehead, immediately feeling dirty for lying to her, for lying to himself.

  ‘Want to show me how much you’ve missed me?’ She reached up and purred the words into his ear as her hand began to move lower from his waist. Her breath carried the sweet smell of hops.

  ‘I’m tired,’ Aiden grabbed the straying hand and returned it to his waist. He tried to sound kind but delivered the words more harshly than he had intended.

  ‘Oh.’ Isla pulled away from him and backed out of the room, noticeably hurt. He thought about chasing after her but didn’t have the energy. She’d only feel better if they slept together and sex was the farthest thing from his mind. That had always been the dynamic in their relationship. They never truly talked about things; each argument, each cross word, was always rectified by some coital entanglement. It began to dawn on Aiden just how redundant a model for a marriage that was.